Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Ode to the preacher's art

Over the years, I've know a few hard-working pastors, and have noticed that among those who love the Lord the most and serve Him the best, there is always a lot of coffee--to the point that I can joke that coffee is "Baptist holy water." I also know that they need to be careful lest they spend too much time at the coffee shop and neglect their families. So here, with credit to the gorilla in the midst, and a heartfelt apology to David Frizzell, is a little song in honor of this.

I came wired home last night, like many nights before
I finally found my house key as she opened up the door

And she said, "You're not gonna do this anymore."

She said: "I'm hiring a barista to decorate our home,
So you'll feel more at ease here, and you won't have to roam.
We'll take out the dining room table,
put comfy chairs by the wall.
And a hardwood floor, to point the way,
to our bathroom down the hall."

She said: "Just bring your Friday paycheck,
and I'll cash them all right here.
And I'll buy your friends the best beans,
and brew ‘em for you, dear.
And for you, I'll always keep in stock,
a double dark French roast.
And when you wake in the morning,
you can have it with your toast."

She said: "We'll rip out all the carpet,
and put big tiles on the floor.
Serve pumpkin loaf and brownies, and I won't cook no more.
There'll be magazines and books, no TV, but lots of art.
And free wifi for your friends, when conversation’s lost its art."

Refrain “I’m hiring a barista”


She said: "You'll get friendly service, and for added atmosphere.
I'll slip on a Caribou Apron, and add some piercings to my ears.
Then you can answer trivia, and I’ll give you a dime.
Then I’ll ask you “room for cream?,”

and we’ll both think it’s sublime.”

She said: “Instead of family quarrels,
we’ll have a blog flame-war,
When the big clock says it’s quittin’ time,

then I won’t serve you no more
And when you’re wallet’s empty, you’ll have me to thank.
When you’re still a shaking,

I’ll put your paycheck in the bank.”

She said “I’m hiring a barista, to decorate our home
So you fell more at ease here, and you won’t have to roam
When you need to do some sermon prep, but need a little boost
You won’t need to be gone, just to say hi to the moose.”

Refrain: “I’m hiring a barista”

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

From a former Caribou barista:

Wow, that is very funny.

And so true. I can't even tell you how many men/women were in Caribou more than they were at home. One couple even came in with their interior decorator because they wanted their home to be just like Caribou!! Nuts I tell ya!

Gabrielle Eden said...

I've seen my pastor at Caribou recently!

Anonymous said...

Mocha-momma is going to love this; I'm going to e-mail it to her right now. The girls at the elementary school will eat it up.

kingdavid

Gardenwife said...

Classic! I am a Caribou barista and can relate. :) Our stores serve as adjunct offices for many people, both clergy and laypeople alike!

Anonymous said...

Judging by the comments, it would appear that only discerning, reasonable, and tasteful Caribou drinkers visit your site. I know Ben also had worked at Caribou.

Starbuck's patrons must go find leftist blogs to post on.

I know MM much prefers Caribou over the others.

kingdavid

Bike Bubba said...

Well, if they remember the song that I used to "compose" this, I'm not quite sure I can accuse them of having uniformly good taste. :^)

(for those who don't know, the original is a wife's plan to keep her alcoholic/honky-tonkin' husband at home by hiring a wino to decorate her home)