Probably like many parents with newer homes, I've been getting better at patching sheetrock because of the weird doorknobs that are in my home. The kids open the door, not knowing their strength, and no matter how well I set the door stops, the hole in the sheetrock grows. So I went to the hardware store, and asked if they had any old style doorknobs that didn't have the lock tab protruding, but rather locked simply as you press the doorknob towards the door and rotate it.
No luck, and Charlie--the owner--told me that it was supposed to make life easier for people with disabilities because the old doorknobs needed two actions to lock it instead of one. He also noted that he was selling a lot more spackle than he used to, for obvious reasons.
So when I went home, I tried out my fancy new OSHA and Americans with Disabilities Act approved doorknobs. Press, and turn, just like the old ones, and the "benefit" for the disabled appears to be that instead of being able to use your palm or your fingers to work the old ones, you now need to use your fingers to unlock or lock your bathroom door.
I'm sure the arthritis sufferers of the world appreciate it a lot, and if they could only get their hands into that position, would be giving our government the appropriate, one finger salute for their help. Along with every father who's patched the wall for the tenth time because of those fool things.
The fix, for what it's worth, are little round things that glue right where the doorknob will hit the wall--some of them even featuring an indent just the size of the lock tab. I'll be sending the government a bill for this one....
Why I Will Apologize at the WeHo Pride Parade - I apologized to the gay community on behalf of true Christians everywhere at the 2012 Pride Parade in West Hollywood—and plan on doing so again this Sunday...
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